


this is me trying

by ladyrenx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Kylo Ren is a Good Guy (But Just For You), Kylo comforts you when you're panicking, no beta we die like men, reader is a Mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26923330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyrenx/pseuds/ladyrenx
Summary: You'd heard bad news, the worst news, and you were just trying to make it to the comfort of your room before the panic attack overwhelms you completely. He always told you to breathe when you were anxious, so where was he now when your world was falling apart?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader
Kudos: 31





	this is me trying

The dark walls of the Finalizer blurred together everywhere your fingertips brushed. Cold metal did little to shock your shortcircuiting systems.  _ Breathe, breathe, breathe _ , you tried to imagine his voice in your head but picturing him made it worse. The shock you’d felt when you had heard he’d been injured only multiplied, the noose of your panic tightening around your throat.

Why was there no one in the hallway? Why was there no one to notice you were falling apart inside? Where was everyone? 

Your back hit a wall as you braced yourself against the coming storm. The fear you felt every time you watched the command shuttle leave was finally validated. Maybe you should have found Hux, or another superior officer, someone with a level head who would have explained this all to you. All you had were whispers, rumors. 

_ Breathe, breathe, breathe _ , you reminded yourself again. Everything was too much, too harsh, too loud, too bright. How were you supposed to breathe when something had sucked the oxygen from the room? 

You resumed your frantic journey to his quarters, your quarters. It didn’t take long though to sink to the floor, your legs giving out from underneath you as it all became too much. You’d lost too many friends already, too many coworkers, too many brothers, and sisters. If you lost him, you’d never recover. He was home, and you were nothing.

Hands braced on the floor, you let go of everything you were holding inside. Nothing had prepared you for how strongly this panic attack was going to take hold of you. It took every ounce of your strength just to hold yourself up as you knelt on the floor. Were you crying? Or sweating? You couldn’t tell. 

_ Breathe, breathe, breathe _ , you heard in your mind. It didn’t matter how many times you said it to yourself, it would never sound like him. You couldn’t fool yourself into thinking it was him. You didn’t even know if he was okay, if you were going to be okay. 

“We found her,” looking up you saw two troopers break into a run at the sight of you. One was sending a message while the other holstered his weapon, kneeling to the floor in front of you as soon as he reached you. “Do you need medical attention?”

Shaking your head, you leaned back on your feet. The trooper reached forward but you quickly wrapped your arms around your body, unable to control the shaking. No matter how hard you tried to focus on the questions they were asking, your thoughts were still uncontrollably fixating on the idea that he was hurt, or worse. 

_ I’m almost there _ , you heard distantly. 

“Where?” The soft cry caught the attention of the troopers, who started peppering you with questions again. “Where is he?”

“Here, I’m here.” Turning to your side, you watched as Kylo ripped his helmet off and dropped it behind him. His footfalls were heavy as he came to your side. In a moment, you were in his arms. “Leave us,” he barked at the troopers as he tucked your face against his chest and carried you down the hallway, around corners, until you were safe. 

“They said, I wasn’t sure, I couldn’t feel you,” you hiccuped as you held back your sobs. Despite being against him, you couldn’t stop the choking feeling in your throat, how hot your eyes felt with tears. 

He set you down on the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of you. He withdrew for only a moment to remove his gloves, then took your hands tightly in his. “I’m here, love. Please, it’s okay to cry. I’m right here and I’m okay.”

His reassuring words were the straw that broke your back and every emotion came flooding out from behind the walls you’d put up to stay sane. You’d never felt fear and pain like this before. As you cried, he just kept holding on. The only thing keeping you grounded in reality was his strong hands around yours. 

“They’ll have to try much harder to kill me. I’d never leave you behind.” Kylo brought your hands to his lips, pressing kisses to the backs of them one at a time, then reaching forward to kiss your forehead. As he wrapped his arms around you, your entire body melted. 

Exhaustion followed the near delirium. One by one, each screaming nerve dialed back and left you feeling emptier than before. Your tears slowly came to a stop, the shaking dissipated as he rubbed your back. 

“There you are, love. Come back to me. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
